May 5, 2007, 8:59 AM
IT OCCURED TO ME TWO DAYS AGO THAT YOU ARE MY MUSE. AND THAT OFTEN AFTER SPEAKING WITH YOU I AM COMPELLED TO WRITE A POEM. MOST OF WHICH ARE VERY BAD, BUT STILL I HAVE TO DO IT. THE SIGN OF A WRITER IS THAT THEY JUST CAN’T NOT WRITE SOMETHING.
YOU SAID THE WORDS SHADOW AND SWEATER.
I UNDERSTOOD.
SAY TREE AND STREET AND THERE IS PANDA.
SAY BOOKS AND COURTYARD AND THERE IS LUCY.
THE HUMAN VENUE IS NOT AS POIGNANT BUT JUST AS VIVID.
SAY HOSPITAL AND SHAVER
THERE IS MY GRANDFATHER
STUPID AND DYING, MY DAD
TOUGH AND HOSPITAL, MY MOTHER
DRIP AND IV BAG
THE LAST THING I SAID TO MY MOTHER
THE LAST THING SHE SAID TO ME
YOU CAN GO NOW I’M READY TO SLEEP.
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP IF YOU WERE NOT MY BEST AUDIENCE AND MUSE. HARDLY ANYONE ELSE EVER HEARS WHAT I WRITE LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY, BUT I THINK YOU DO. I SCARE YOUR MOTHER THAT I COME WITH THESE IDEAS AND SHE HAS NOTHING TO SAY. BUT BOTH OF YOU ARE KIND ABOUT IT, AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IF I AM NOT PUTTING IT ON PAPER OR IN BINARY ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN. I AM THINKING IT. THE WORDS THAT MAKE THE COMPELLING TURNS FOR ME ARE NOT CHOSEN BUT GIVEN ALMOST ALWAYS BY SOMEONE ELSE.
PROBABLY BECAUSE THE STORY DOES NOT REGISTER AS TRUE UNLESS PARTS OR ALL OF IT ARE A LIE. TO USE THE FOUND WORDS OR IDEA MAKES IT EASIER NOT TO TELL THE TRUE THING BUT THE IMAGINED ONE.
SO THE IDEA WAS THIS, I HAD JUST BURIED A CAT WITH IT’S BASKET AND IT’S SPECIAL BEDDING. BECAUSE IT WAS NOT WHAT WE WANTED TO HAVE AROUND THE HOUSE FOR A REMINDER.
NO ONE HAS BEEN CLOSER TO AN ANIMAL THAN YOUR MOTHER WAS WITH THAT CAT. MOST CATS DISLIKE YOUR MOTHER. THEY LIKE TO EAT HER, BITE HER AND SCRATCH.
YOU SAID SHADOW AND SWEATER AND TWO THINGS CAME TO MIND. THE REMNANTS OF THE TRAIL THAT THE CAT WOULD LEAVE BEHIND COULD BE SWEPT UP, THROWN AWAY, BUT THE SWEATER THE CAT SLEPT ON IN SPITE, OR FOR SPITE, IT WAS A GOOD SWEATER NOT TO BE THROWN AWAY. ON IT WAS THE SHADOW CAST BY THE ANIMAL AND HOW COULD IT CAST A SHADOW? DUST AND THE ANNOYING REMNANTS OF FUR.
NOW, A GOOD POET CAN REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT HE WROTE TWO YEARS LATER LARGELY BECAUSE HE WORKED ON THE POEM FOR TWO YEARS PRIOR TO COMPLETING. IT IS A FAMILLIAR THING. I CANNOT REMEMBER THEM TWO HOURS LATER, MOST OF THE TIME. THUS THE DIFFERENCE AND THE DISIPLINE REQUIRED IS ALL THAT SEPERATES ME FROM THE PUBLISHED. FORGET THE G BRAIN POWER AND THE FACT THAT EVERYTING HAS ALLREADY BEEN SAID AND THOSE DEAD GUYS (MOSTLY) HAVE ALREADY DONE IT. THE MUSIC OF THE SOUND OF THE RYTHM CAN COMPEL.
YOU ARE A POET AND KNOW THE IDEAS OF RYMING AND RHYTHM. SEND ME A SAD SONG ABOUT A GREY CARTOON LIKE CAT OR BLACK STELTH LIKE ONE. THE SHADOW IS WHAT’S IN THE ROOM AND NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT OR IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO TRY. MAYBE BECAUSE YOU’RE CRAZY IF YOU SEE THE SHADOW AND YOU’RE CRAZY IF YOU DONT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT OTHERS DO OR MIGHT.
CATCH 22 IS THE DICTIOANARY SO WE CAN USE IT AS A WORD.
CATCH 22.
